The Zombie Collection
by H2n4 Flu
Summary: This is a random collection of ridiculous zombie stories. Is any more real discription needed? Warning: Has absolutely nothing to do with Dawn of the Dead, other than the fact that the title of the chapters rhyme with it.


THE ZOMBIE COLLECTION  
>Chapter 1<br>Lawn of the Dead

**A.N.: In actuality, this has absolutely nothing to do with 'Dawn of the Dead'. Never even seen the movie. The Zombie Collection is just a bunch of ridiculous zombie stories, some of which are about other movies or books or whatever. But this story is under the Dawn of the Dead category because it is one of the more famous zombie thingies. Every element of this story belongs to me, except for when it doesn't. Characters, plot, everything.  
>On another note, any real persons, living or dead, that are mentioned in any of the stories were not researched, interviewed or anything. All info in this about them is either from common knowledge of said person, or guesswork.<br>ON WIF DA FIC!**

Joe was a pretty normal guy. He finished college, had a job, had a wife and kid, and owned a house. He got his bills payed, and a lot of people liked him.

However, there was a lot in Joe's life that was a bit un-normal.

First off, Joe works at and lives within 3 miles of a nuclear power plant. When he first started his job, he was handed a Gatling Gun, as it was recently required for all workers at nuclear facilities to have a dangerous weapon.

You may ask why.

Just ask Joe.

He'll tell you.

Why do they need weapons at a nuclear power plant?

In case of zombies, of course. If zombies attacked a nuclear power plant, everything would be dead.

Now, some may ask 'What if vampires attacked the plant?'.

No need to worry. They have a sunroof.

What if dragons attacked?

WHAT IS THIS? HARRY POTTER? THAT'S IN A LATER CHAPTER.

Anyway, one may also ask when zombies have ever attacked, showing the need of this precaution.

Well, that is where our story begins...

Last Tuesday, Joe went to Publix.

It was that day's yesterday that would mark the day of when Joe would get to see the garden his wife had been working on.

Joe sleeps a lot.

There was a sign on his front lawn that said 'ALL TRESPASSERS WILL BE EATEN'.

You see, Joe had a pet shark named Zebra.

Anyway, that day, Joe's son, Flooby, was going to bring home his science project: Spaghetti made out of brains.

And also, that morning, a nuclear reaction made all flowers carnivorous, and created a new species of intelligent exploding chicken.

The chicken tastes like bananas.

**~FALCON NEWS ALERT~**

**This morning at high noon, a batch of flowers got in a brutal gunfight with local dog, Phyghdough (Pronounced Fido). The dog was severely burned, with slashes about his chest, but there were no visible external injuries. The dog's brain has been removed mysteriously with surgeon-like precision, but the owner of said dog claims that it's no different than how his dog always acted.**

**Next on ~FALCON NEWS~... LOCAL MAN SNEEZES!**

Joe shut off his TV with his chainsaw.

"HONEY," Joe shouted, "THE TV BROKE AGAIN!"

"More junk on TV again?" Joe's wife asked.

"Yeah. Some dude sneezed. Say, you haven't shown me the finished garden yet,"

"It's in our FRONT YARD! You should've seen it when you got back to work,"

"I took the day off. So can I see the garden now?"

"Window's by the door,"

So Joe scurried over to the window, and saw something he would never forget.

The flowers in his front lawn, all the colors of the rainbow, were busy mauling the mailman.

A bit concerned for the flowers, Joe went outside to his lawn.

"Flowers," Joe asked curiously, "why are you attacking the mailman?"

"BRAAIIIIINNNSSSS," the flowers responded.

Joe's flowers had become zombies!

The flowers tried to attack Joe, but they were literally rooted to the spot. They were not able to attack him. So, they continued munching at the mailman.

Right then, the school bus drove by, and Flooby, Joe's son, hopped off, his brain spaghetti project clutched tightly in his hands.

Flooby saw the flowery sight before him.

"Dad," Flooby asked, "why are flowers eating the mailman?"

Joe got an idea.

Joe walked to his garage, and grabbed the weed killer.

He then ran outside and flung it on the plants.

Nothing happened.

"Dad," Flooby said, "weed killer doesn't work on zombies. You either have to hit the head or burn them to death. Burning them makes them smell bad, though,"

"These zombies are flowers. So they should die the same way as flowers do,"

So Joe went back into his garage and grabbed a flamethrower.

I don't think I told you this, but he got a flamethrower with his job too.

Long story short, Joe went back out to his front lawn, burned the living crap out of the flowers, and the flowers screamed for their mommies.

It is believed in some cultures that his story has a moral, but I don't really believe there is one.

Hope you enjoyed my story! there are many more on their way.

**A.N.: Not my best, I know. Whatever.  
>Remember to review the story! Reviews mean a lot to me. <strong>


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